...but Hallowe'en is upon us and you know what that means... ghosts and ghouls and goblins and ZOMBIES!!! and other such scary things.
Remember Ghouls n Ghosts? what a game that was!!
I still don't get why you were forced to run around in your undies though while getting chased by, well, ghouls and ghosts!
anyways... as All Hallows Eve approaches, and the gateway between our world and their's is at its weakest, we can only hope that the spirits of the dead channel themselves back into their buried bodies and punch their fists six feet out of the ground to slowly walk the Earth.
As the saying goes:
and I tell you one thing... the amount of EVIL bastards I read about in the paper every day, I'm pretty shocked that Hell isn't already full!
What would really happen though if a zombie outbreak happened on Hallowe'en? how are you supposed to know who is actually infected and who isn't?
Obviously the people with you, you'd probably be able to know if they'd been bitten or not... but with all the fake blood and costumes everywhere, who the hell do you take out?!
Well, I tell you who... first - the BLATANT scallies in North Face coats, the girls with orange skin and big blonde hair and anyone else you don't like the look of. Fuck it... "they were coming straight for us" would be my excuse!
And secondly - take out anyone who stands in your way!
If you're with your friends, then STICK TOGETHER! I cannot stress any more the importance of SAFETY IN NUMBERS!
If you're at home, don't answer the door, and if you do.. make sure you have some kind of secret knock or password system in place to know it's truly your friend and not just the hollow shell of a man you once knew who is now here to feast on your brains!
A good idea for getting round comes from Shaun Of The Dead, so if transportation isn't readily available then just think like a zombie!
No one is 100% sure what it is zombies react to. Alot of people seem to believe it's sudden movements and loud noises. So if you can shuffle and be quiet, just like they're doing, then you should fit in pretty well! Just hope your new found dead friends haven't got a nose for fresh blood or are crazy genome zombies that can sense body heat signatures and heart beats!
But this poses the question, if zombies do react to noises... as they don't have a heart beat, would they have heightened sense and be able to hear the heartbeat of passers by?! who knows... but I guess there's only one way to find out!
"How is that?!" I hear you ask!
Well, I'll tell you....
All you need to do to find out is... you know how everyone has one of those "friends" or "acquaintances" that you like, sort of, but you all pick on them purely in jest, but also because they annoy the shit out of you? but they think they're super cool and think you're laughing with them and not at them?
Yeah, well, that guy... make them believe that they're that awesome that if they pretend to be a zombie first.. you will love them forever.
Maybe you will after this, but hey! at least after all those years, you'll realise why you actually stayed friends with them!
not such a long, tedious blog tonight, but I will leave you with this final thought... make sure you get the script right...
I know it's been a while, and for this I apologise, but thankfully the Zombie Apocalypse hasn't begun, but I do have my plans in place for if the resurrection of the dead begins whilst at home so I present to you:
Situation #2 - Zombie Apocalypse happens when at home
Picture this:
You're sat at home, it's 6pm, you're watching The Simpsons and the broadcast is interrupted to tell you that there is a major pandemic spreading across the UK, you look out the window and notice the local scallies looking even more dead to the world, but this time ripping the flesh out of someone's stomach at the other end of the street.
The reality hits you that "oh shit, those scumbags aren't mugging an old lady... again... but their North Face jackets and Lowe Alpine hats are actually splattered in blood and the little bastards are actually eating that person!"
So, what do you do?!
Well, to begin with, make sure ALL your doors and windows are locked so those baldy headed little rats can't get in, keep as quiet as you can, and pack some bags.
If you have a dog, it could be hard to keep them quiet, but not to worry because dogs APPARENTLY can't be infected by the vast majority of infections etc that create the living dead, so when leaving the house, you send the dog first (more of this later).
Anyways... if I was at home, I would be in the situation of having to immediately think about myself, my girlfriend (the awesome Beccy) and our dog, Jaz.
First port of call - grab a back pack each.
Now, we do have a massive one from camping, but then this could pose the problem of packing too much stuff, so you have to think.
Big bag for lots of supplies, or smaller bag for ESSENTIALS and then find other supplies elsewhere?
Well, I personally think we would take one big backpack, and one small one.
The big one would come in handy to fill with the lighter things such as food, a change of underwear (because no doubt it will be brown trousers time at some point!), a torch or two, and some other essentials (read on for more info).
The smaller one would be used as a first aid kit... fill it with plasters, antiseptic cream, bandages and a hacksaw (just incase some limbs need to be hacked off if bitten), essentials such as a screw driver and some knives and water supplies in here.
After collecting a few essentials, I would get the internet on, or use my mobile phone, and google "how to hot wire a car". But if internet and mobile phone systems are down, I would have to just improvise and get a screwdriver into the key cylinder and hope for the best!
Just on a sidenote ... I never understood how on zombie films that as soon as the outbreak occurs, apparently all mobile communications and internet communications go down. I could only REALLY see this happening after the systems all fall into disrepair which I'd presume would take a while, so, I'm planning this with the foresight that communications ARE STILL WORKING. If not, it's not the end of the world!
so, anyway, after packing one backpack with first aid, a small tool kit and water, and the other with some light clothing, a blanket for the night time, a lighter, some candles and some knives (handy for melee weapons and picking locks, cutting things open etc), the next step is to decide "should I stay, or should I go".
Home seems like the safe place to stay, but soon enough you will want to go after loved ones etc. so my advice would be: check outside, see if there is a vehicle nearby, and if there is, get a wire coat hanger, bend it out straight, get your dog ready, wait for the coast to be clear and LEG IT!
If the coast doesn't look clear enough but you feel the urge to go, then the answer is - DOG FIRST.
Dogs still have their animal instinct, they want to protect their owners, they want to protect themselves, and they can definitely smell who is scum! so if you can't get down your path, send the dog to distract the living dead as he/she can probably run alot faster than you (and them for that matter) and call them back once you get into that locked car!
As I'm not the owner of a car, but do know (sort of) how to drive, I know the advantages of a car. So if I couldn't get hold of any of my mates who can drive, I'd break into the nearest car with Beccy and Jaz, and get the hell out of there as quick as I could.
Now I know parents are important, but my mum and her husband drive, so I can call them, get them to get into their car and wait at their home for me to arrive.
First port of call - Beccy's mum. I reckon she'd be quite good in a zombie apocalypse.. I dunno why, but I just think she'd have some good fight in her!
Then it would be off to my mums house to meet up with her.
I would contact a few friends (Pandave, Allen, Ian, Alex, Gary) and see how they're getting on.
Pandave has a samurai sword, so he's in! he has zombie apocalypse plans and would be a brilliant person to have along for the ride! Ian has prior knowledge of zombies, not quite as extensive as my own, but could definitely get creative with some weapons. Plus he has a dog and SJ drives, so more transport and more fire power!
Allen drives and I reckon could get a good swing on a baseball bat, Alex would be good to sort out food and I reckon he'd be pretty sick with a chainsaw! And I think Gary would know some weird and wonderful places out in the middle of nowhere that we could get to and hide out! Plus, 3 out of the 4 of those people own cars ... score!
So I'd gather up some friends and family (safety in numbers people!)
So the main plan when you're stuck at home is get some essentials, get in a car and get the fuck away from civilisation!! stopping occassionally along the way to try n steal some free petrol, some free supplies and see if there is anymore news of the situation and about military safehouses.
I just read most that back and don't know much sense it makes, but in a nut shell... if a zombie apocalypse breaks out at home... get supplies, get into a car, and get to the middle of nowhere! less people = less zombies :)
On a slightly lighter note, I do think that if I was to come up against a roadblock of zombies, the soundtrack for killing them would have to be Four Year Strong turned up full blast booming out of the car whilst wielding baseball bats and axes, smashing in zombie brains :) namely this tune here because I think it would be awesome for the beginning of a zombie killing extravaganza:
and if Four Year Strong wasn't available to play, I think Raining Blood by Slayer would be a more than ample music choice for such an occasion :)
****Disclaimer : any people who have not been mentioned in this blog, my apologies go out to you... this either means I would trust in Beccy to contact you whilst I contacted other people (namely Faye as I know you would have skills to pay the bills in a zombie attack), there are just too many people to mention or I may just think you'd become zombie fodder in the first 24 hours. I don't want to blow any of my friends brains out, so if I think you're gonna get bitten and become a liability... you're gettin left behind****
Ok, so the last blog was all about zombies.
A little history lesson, and some garbage about where zombies come from.
Today, it may get a little more interesting as it's time to discuss:
TACTICS FOR THE INEVITABLE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE
I know quite a few people that have plans in place for a zombie invasion, but the main question is:
Well, I like to think I am.
Now, being from Liverpool, I am definitely not spoiled for choice with regards to gun shops, or armouries, or ancient burial grounds where you miraculously find some crazy sword that possesses the power to destroy all zombies within a 3 miles radius.
But I haven't just formulated one set of tactics, I have formulated many, so lets have a look at the scenarios one by one.
Here is a quick explanation of the zombie situation:
Zombie apocalypse has not long begun, so there is time to find somewhere/put the best plan into action before the invasion gets to a ridiculously uncontrollable level and you actually have nowhere to run.
We not only have shuffling zombies, but running zombies too, so the tactics need to involve ideas to keep away both oncoming onslaughts.
Situation #1 - zombie apocalypse begins whilst in work
It's another on of those days, work is a bit quiet, no customers in the store, just me and between 3-5 members of staff gazing out the window talking about Alan Partridge, Star Wars, PS3 games and other such geeky things when suddenly I notice what looks like a member of the living dead headed our way.
As that one comes into view, so do a few more... taking out some members of the public on their way, ripping open their stomachs, having a nibble on some intestines and basking in the bloody goodness!
First things first... quickly find the nearest key holder, lock the front door and get the shutters DOWN! Ensure that the back door to the shop is secure and have a scan around on the shopfloor for weapons.
There's be mops, a hoover, pens, elastic bands and drawing pins. Potentially some nails in the office, but otherwise weapon supplies are thin.
The pipe from the Henry hoover can be removed and can be used as a weapon for smashing the zombies in the head, should we get that close. The same goes for the mops.
We could use some sellotape or blu-tak and stick drawing pins to the end of pens and fire them off elastic bands. Probably not very effective, but would hopefully be quite distracting. And whilst people are forming the pen/pin hybrids, we can print out a ridiculous amount of top-up vouchers.
Then, it would be a case of proceeding down into the basment. Get everyone's bags, fill them with as much food as possible and a few mobile phones so we have some form of communication between each other and our family/friends if needs be.
Anyways, downstairs there is a fire escape which leads back up and out onto the street away from the shop. Yes, we may hit more zombies, but at least we will be slightly equipped.
The next stop would be Callans to break in, pick up some air rifles and pellet guns. A couple of people would be designated as "keeping dixie" (as you used to do in school... or "keeping watch" for anyone else out there) and obviously bludgeoning in some zombie brains with Henry's big pipe and some pen-through-zombie-eye-socket-action.
Replica Desert Eagles and other such weapons would be pocketed, loaded, and ammo collected for some longer range kills.
Next we would head to Rapid Hardware. Once in here, it's a case of "ok, you guys go that way, we'll go this way, get what you can and meet back here in 15 minutes". Strength in numbers, especially seeing as how this is a multi-level store and Callans is about as big as my living room.
Once in Rapid, we could arm ourselves with knives, axes, chainsaws and other such melee weapons, although chainsaws may be a bit heavy, they would be very effective, but if you swing one too far, you take the risk of hurting yourself. So I'll the decision up to anyone who wants to make that choice to drag around a petrol powered chainsaw.
The next port of call would be Tesco.
There are 2 and the preferred one would the larger one by Paradise Street for the plain simple fact that they have a better entertainment section and sell TVs and the one by Clayton Square doesn't. And I'm sure we'll still be needing some form of entertainment!
It should be pretty easy to hold up in a Tesco as they have strong shutters, a VAST array of food, and I'm pretty sure they will have some kind of microwave or cooking facilities in the staff room for us to cook food.
Then, we just wait. Make sure the place is secure and you have people watching all doors at all times. Make sure there isn't too much noise made so as not to bring attention to ourselves and find good positions to be able to keep an eye on the invasion from all angles.
The other good thing about the buildings in Liverpool where the Tesco supermarkets are located, is that the buildings are high.
This means we can get up to the roof to leave a distress signal and hope that once the military decide they are going to send out helicopters to help people, we can be found!
Alternatively, if Little Dave or Gary are in (and they both have cars) our first port of call would be their cars, then as far out of the city as we can. Stopping off to pick up family members on the way and stealing enough cars to house us all and get us all out to the country and to potential safety. Smaller population = less zombies :)
...and that's it for zombie tactics for today! I think I've bored you all enough, and so the next blog will be situation #2 - zombie apocalypse happens whilst at home.
Well, anyone who knows me probably knows about my blatant obsession with zombies.
I've seen some of the weirdest zombie movies (such as Flesh Eating Mothers... it's pretty bizarre and I would say definitely avoidable!) but what are my thoughts on the Undead?
Personally, it depends on what kind of zombie they are.
I know people go "yeah, but the ones in 28 days later aren't zombies, they're infected" BUT they get infected, their bodies shut down, then they rejuvenate with a whole new mindset of "I'm going to eat you're fucking face off" and they infect enough people to create hordes and as we all know, zombies like to congregate in hordes to turn their living brethren into flesh eating maniacs like themselves.
Although zombies do eat human flesh, they aren't technically cannibals because cannibalism is a choice, whereas zombies are just attacking humans because of their intuitive nature to survive.
Which also poses another question... do zombies get hungry? or is it just in their nature to eat and eat and eat and eat?! Because, let's face it, as soon as someone gets turned into a zombie, the first thing they do is try to eat someone.
Is this because that person has been running from the onslaught of the living dead and so are pretty hungry and once they revert back to this sort of primal state, their initial reaction is to just eat whatever is in front of them?
Now here is a little history lesson for you... zombies in movies can be created by numerous things; whether that be some sort of poison in the waterhole, a radioactive leak, some satanic ritual or just the opening of the gates of hell on a lovely hallowe'en night.
But zombies, originally, where the result of voodoo rituals.
Voodoo is a religion, that used to be very popular in places such as Haiti. It involved blood sacrifices (usually from animals) to their gods and they believed many weird and wonderful potions etc. gave people superhuman strength, bigger boobs, eternal life or a more fertile womb in which to harvest children.
But voodoo rituals were also used to create zombies.
The first ever recorded record of actual zombies was in the early 1900s by an explorer who visited Haiti. He discovered farms where seemingly mindless people were being used to do all the farm work, as though this was the only thing in their nature. These people were just drones.
Upon talking to some of the natives in the area, he found out why this was.
In their culture, it was common practice that when someone died, they were buried straight away and the family would closely guard the grave for the next 24 hours. This is because the body was still "good" to be turned into a zombie using a concoction derived from various pulp and juices from animals and plants for the next 24 hours. The people of Haiti believed this fate of almost eternal life as a mindless "zombie" was a fate worse than death and believed that their family should just be left to rest in peace.
So where has the whole flesh eating zombie thing come from? Do we blame George A Romero for this? We think so.
He brought out the classic 1968 movie Night Of The Living Dead, which saw the dead come back alive to attack humans and eat their flesh.
Originally shot in black and white, this film is an absolute classic and is surely to blame for the flesh eating creations we see today.
The zombies in Romero's films have always been the slow, shuffling kind of zombies, but then over movies (such as the remake of Dawn Of The Dead and 28 Days Later) involve zombies that can run, bringing that extra bit of fear into our hearts.
I personally find the slow, shuffling zombies that bit more terrifying than the ones who can run for the plain simple fact there will be one zombie in front of you, scraping its feet across the floor, staring blankly at you with one thought going through it's head "BRRAAAAIIIIINNNSSSSS!!", so you turn around to run the other way but there's 5 right there.
So you turn back to run past the lone zombie that is now behind you, but you turn and suddenly there's 15, so you turn again to run past the 5 zombies... but this 5 has now multiplied in 50, so you turn again to go the other direction and the 15 has turned into 100.. and so on and so on.
Whereas the running zombies seem to come in a crowd, but don't just appear from nowhere.
You can hear them coming, you can see them running and you can use their speed against them to spear them with less effort, to throw them to one side as they get closer to you.
I just find slower zombies that multiply rapidly even more scary!
And lets be honest now, anyone who has seen a zombie movie MUST have developed their own "Zombie Apocalypse survival plan" but I shall leave this for next time.
Possibly complete with diagrams... but for the time being, let me leave you with some beautiful images of zombiesssss!! RRAARRRRGGGHHHHHHHH!!!!!!!
I'd be straight to the hospital if my baby was trying to get out this way..
GET YA SUZZIES ON FOR US GIRL!
mmm.... intestinal goodness....
...and last but not least, I wonder how many people saw this dude in WW2?
I've just got back from two days camping in a lovely little place called Edale which is in the Peak District.
This was my first ever camping experience and I couldn't have asked for anyone better to go with.
I will blog some about the trip in the next blog I do, but this one here has to be about some things I realised or things that stood out that little bit more than they usually do when you're just sat at home.
The night before the trip, me and Beccy had quite a big heart to heart, as boyfriend and girlfriend sometimes do, which was, as always, wonderful.
But after reading the way Johnny Cash talks about June Carter and looking at this picture below, I have come to realise that this girl, regardless of what the flip anyone else thinks, is the most beautiful girl in the world and is to me how June Carter was to Johnny Cash... The love of my life, my heart, my soul, my everything.
This girl is officially my one and only.
And I would even go as far as to say my soul mate.
After 7 months of being together, we have both discovered that we can't even find one thing that annoys us about the other one.
All this girl ever does is make me smile! xD
My heart belongs to her, I hate being without her and I most definitely want to spend the rest of my life with her.
We moved in together after just 3 months, and were both in the same unwanted situations when the ball began to roll.
Roll To Me (the cover by Four Year Strong) has become our theme tune, with the message running deeper than you think... perfectly outlining the things to come.
All the plans I have for my future, I cannot foresee without Beccy being part of them. Nothing would be complete without her by my side and I couldn't be more grateful for such a caring, understanding, happy, laid back, awesome, sexy, beautiful, sweet, kind, cute, pretty girlfriend standing by my side through thick and thin.
We support each other and it's never one way... we're always there for each other, making sure the others' needs are met, that the other person is always happy but the best part is, the whole thing is effortless. It is all second nature.
I don't have to go out of my way to be more polite or nice or kind or whatever because it's just what we do for each other. No questions, no quibble, no quarrel!
So this here is a salute to Rebecca Louise Kelly... I Love You so so so so much with all my heart and soul... forever and always...
PS. To anyone else who reads this... it's worth taking a step back every now and then to realise what you have and appreciating it... otherwise you won't know what you've got until it's gone...
...and I love to ride, but not on the open sea....
It's been a while since my last blog and this one here isn't actually going to involve any movie reviews!! shock horror!! except to just say my Kick Ass blu-ray arrived from those lovely people at play.com yesterday... steelbook edition which has the blu-ray AND DVD (dunno why I need both, but whatevz) and another disc of special features. All of which are pretty interesting.
Anyways, to the main point of this blog... COWBOYS!!
We all played cowboys and indians as kids, and yeah, I had a boss little toy bow and sucker arrows.. you used to lick the tips of them and fire them at your sister and hope they'd stick to her forehead, but they never did.
Cowboys have always interested me, but have never really been something I've actually looked into until now.
My current fascination with country music has also spurred me on, as well as reading Cash by Johnny Cash.
Guns, horses, hats and awesome shirts... all the fun things we know about cowboys and how lovely they are portrayed to children. But when you look into the reality of cowboys and outlaws of the old west, you find out just how gruesome some of those times actually were.
Now the man above was known as The Gentleman Killer for the plain simple face that he was known as a true gentleman by all.
His name was John Wesley Hardin, and even though this man killed around 40 people, everyone who knew him said he was one of the kindest and nicest people he had ever met.
His reasoning for killing all those people was because he "never killed anyone that didn't need killin'"
Obviously this guy was a complete nutjob, but became so infamous that Johnny Cash AND Bob Dylan have written songs inspired/about him.
Lately all that I've been listening to is Country. I've had on a bit of Jim Reeves, George Jones, Bob Wills and his Texas Playboys, Marty Robbins.. and obviously the Man In Black.
If no-one has ever listened to Marty Robbins, I suggest picking up a copy of Gunfighter Ballads. I was suggested this album by my good friend Gary and I tell you what, it's awesome! From start to finish it's just tales of outlaws in the old west.
Cowboys riding into town, pulling out their guns, looking for their enemies, finding women, loving them and losing them, riding through the old towns and breaking in horses and the such.
It just got me thinking about how interesting the old west is.
Johnny Cash in his autobiography Cash talks about how when he wrote his concept albums he spent alot of time in old libraries, reading up on the history of the old west, the history of cowboys and the people who have made into the history books.
This is slightly off topic of cowboys, but there are other people who have been made famous by country music...
One of whom is Ira Hayes.
Call him drunken Ira Hayes
He won't answer anymore
Not the whiskey drinkin' Indian
Nor the marine that went to war
He fought in World War II and was one of the guys in this picture:
He was part of the Pima Indian tribe and fought in the marines and helped secure on of the mountains in Iwo Jima during the war.
The song is about how much Ira done for his country, even though the country wasn't all that kind to the native Americans who lived there. Apparently he never spoke much about the flag raising but would speak about his time in the marines.
Wikipedia it.. it's an intersting read.
Anyways, back to the cowboys... just the way they are depicted in the music of the likes of Cash and Robbins is remarkable.
It's not like gangster rap these days where they glamorise the use of foul language and guns to be the answer for everything, but they tell the stories and tell them like they are.
Big Iron for example, its a song about an outlaw looking for a guy called Texas Red, but a ranger pulled out his gun and killed him first before he could get anywhere.
Give My Love To Rose is a song about a man who just got out of prison and was found by the railroad track, dying. We don't actually know why, but this could be to do with maybe someone he got on the wrong side of before he went to prison, or maybe someone who had a vendetta against.
But either way, he tells the singer of the song (Johnny Cash) to take the bag of money he has and give it to his wife and son, tell them to carry on their lives and he's sorry he wasn't there for them.
Another song, Folsom Prison Blues, Johnny Cash sings about being stuck in Folsom prison, hearing a train on a nearby rail road going past, knowing those people are out probably on vacation, visiting family, or generally just enjoying themselves, while he's stuck in a tiny prison cell.
The lyrics are as follows:
When I was just a baby,
My Mama told me, "Son,
Always be a good boy,
Don't ever play with guns,"
But I shot a man in Reno,
Just to watch him die,
When I hear that whistle blowin',
I hang my head and cry.
This neither glamorises nor "big's up" the idea of killing someone.
It tells a story of a man having to pay the price, living in a tiny cell, in his own living hell with the guilt of killing someone, hanging his in shame and despair knowing that he won't be riding that train any time soon.
And then we have 50 cent... here's some lyrics from his song "Hustlers Ambition"
The women on my life bring confusion shit
So like Nino from New Jack, I'll have to cancel that bitch
I want the finer things in my life
So I hustle (hustle)
Nigga you get in my way when while I'm trying to get mine
And I'll buck you (buck you)
I don't care who you run with, or where you from
Nigga fuck you (fuck you)
I want to find the thing thats in my life
So I hustle (hustle)
And this defo has be my favourite line from the song:
I cook crack in the microwave, niggas can't fuck with me
So, as you can see, the lyrics of 25p AKA 50 cent, don't really make much sense, but those that do seem to make out that it's ok to "cancel" which I'm presuming means to "pop a cap in" those "bitches" that are seemingly confusing and frustrating poor old fiddy!
And apparently it's also ok to "buck you" if you get in his way... which I don't think means you get to sit on his back and ride for as long as you can til you fall off, like the cowboys do in the rodeo (see? cowboys rule!).
Although I love how he thinks it's the norm to "cook crack in the microwave" LOL!!!
Anyways, this was a pretty pointless blog, I think next time we might tackle the subject of the living dead...
...and put on shitty morning TV
Well I know I'll be the man who does the dishes next.
Off the back of a conversation that happened on Thursday (CoD night, which surprisingly involved no CoD, but lots of Fifa and WoW freakout kid) I would like to share some views about 2012.
So, apparently in 2012 the world is going to come to an end, and this is all "predicted by the Mayan calendar". Did anyone ever think that maybe the Mayan's ran out of time? or the dude who was in charge of carving the calendars might have passed on and they didn't trust anyone else, or there wasn't anyone else in the tribe who was trained to carve stuff?
I do have a few theories myself though, so if you're bored, or equally interested in this phenomenon, then read on :)
Now, some scientists believe that 2012 won't be "the end of the world" but more "the end of the world... as we know it".
So this doesn't mean for everyone to hit panic stations, get to Asda and buy 2 years worth of supplies and dig out a nuclear bunker in your back yard, but more take a step back and look at how the Earth is changing right now.
The British summer... it's been more like Autumn for the whole summer. A good few years ago now, there were scientists going on about how the world is going to spin off its axis and cause weird things to happen to the Earth. who's to say this isn't actually happening? hence why our summer time has been colder than usual, and hence how my friend in New Zealand has had some unseasonal sunny and hot days for their winter.
The floods in Pakistan... could this be to do with the change of the gravitational pull for all the water on Earth as it is shifting on it's axis?
Who knows... and maybe this is what theorists have meant when they say "the world as we know it will end".
So, what are your views? what does this "end of the world" in 2012 all mean?
Maybe there will finally be a zombie apocalypse and the undead will start to walk the Earth. So maybe we should all get to Asda and get our non-perishable items stocked up!
Get to Asda or Tesco, stock up on tins of Spam, spaghetti and beans and get your arsenal ready!
Baseball bats, axes and chainsaws for close ranges attacks and if you can get an air rifle, crossbow, or a bow and arrow, these will be perfect for longer range.
If you're in America, the local gun store would probably be the best place to raid!
LOL!
The things people say are genius!
Apparently the funniest one-liner at the Edinburgh Fringe Festival was "I went on a once in a lifetime holiday... never again!"
It did take myself and Beccy (my awesome one and only) a few minutes to get onto what it meant, but come on, its not that funny!
One of the funniest things I've overheard, and I reckon this could only happen in Liverpool, was "Lad, she done me 'ead in that much, I just wanted to shove a cheeseburger down her bra!"
It was said with that much conviction, that I think he actually meant it... then again, he was wearing Nike and North Face and looked like he had suffered the wrath of male pattern baldness at the age of 17
Defendor... GET ON IT!
Watched this film last night and oh. my. golly! It's flippin' awesome!
Woody Harrelson is possibly one of the most underrated actors and I really hope that Zombieland has revived his career.
What's this movie all about then... I hear you ask!
Well, just think Rain Man meets Batman, meets Kick Ass and that is Defendor in a nutshell.
It's an amazing superhero comedy brought to life by the skills of Woody Harrelson as Arthur Poppington, a not altogether there adult who has lived a not altogether there life... by day he holds a STOP sign for a construction site, but by night he adorns a duct taped "D" on his polo neck jumper, and a VCR on his back to record every move through his helmet cam.
He's on a life long mission to bring down Captain Industry, eventually aided by a call girl called Kat Debrofkowitz (Kat Dennings, Nick And Norah's Infinite Playlist/The Forty Year Old Virgin) who has inside info about Captain Industry!
Armed with marbles and a trench club inherited from his Grandfather, Defendor takes us on a whirlwind ride through the mind of a man whose own delusion fuels his passion to bring down Captain Industry.
This movie definitely gets two thumbs up and a big fat high five to Mr Harrelson.
For a movie that wasn't majorly advertised, was released in 2009 and is only just getting a DVD release in the UK, this is definitely one to get hold of and spend some time watching
So, for some reason, I've decided to start a blog.
Probably just going to be longer, more rant induced, lovey dovey, complainy, critical and potentially cynical status updates. Although most of it will probably just be reviews of the last movie I watched...
Cool pictures, things I've overheard or been asked, or just general philosophising about life and times.
This first blog comes to you from my living room... as will most of them I presume, and has been fuelled by a day off work sick.
Belly ache is NOT FUN! Especially when you feel alright one minute and not the next.
But I've had The Foot Fist Way and Soylent Green to keep me entertained up until now.
The Foot Fist Way, an awesome comedy starring Danny McBride (Eastbound And Down, Hot Rod, Pineapple Express) who plays Fred Simmons, a Tae Kwon Do instructor, who teaches people of all ages.
He takes his life of Tae Kwon Do very seriously, giving his every bit of effort to the cause, donning his outfit pretty much 24/7 and having pictures around his dojo of his one and only hero Chuck "The Truck" Wallace, who looks like a slightly less dishevelled Kurt Cobain, but still on the drugs.
The movie takes you on a trip through a couple of weeks of his life ... his whore of a wife, his Tae Kwon Do displays, and his final meeting of his hero, Chuck The Truck.
The cast aren't all that famous, but this isn't such a bad thing as we all probably know, so I would like to give this film a big fat two thumbs up :)
Definitely for fans of stoner movies a la Kevin Smith and Seth Rogen
Next would be Soylent Green...
made in 1973, this movie stars Charlton Heston and was the last ever performance by a man called Edward G Robinson... who I had never heard of until this movie, but he seems like a brilliant actor!
Heston plays a cop, Detective Thorn, who lives in an overpopulated New York in 2022. His housemate Sol (Edward G Robinson) is his investigator, the only person who has access to a mass library of books and information that can help solve the crimes that Thorn is investigating.
The leader of the Soylent corporation gets killed, and as Thorn uses the help of Sol to unravel the mystery of who and why he got murdered, they find out the real truth behind the food that everyone can't get enough of... and that food is Soylent Green.
The whole cast are constantly covered in sweat as this is supposed to be a message about global warming and it being pretty damn hot all the time, but whilst watching this film, you can't help but think it must have smelled like Jabba The Hutt's left testicle if he was holidaying on Tattooine.
I would definitely suggest both of those movies and can safely say I don't feel like I've wasted nearly 3 hours of my life between the two of them... as I did when I was forced to watch the Twilight movies. That was almost FOUR hours of my life that I'm not getting back... now meditate on that!
