Heavy...

So, I haven't updated this thing since November 2011. Now that's a long time!
But my reason for updating today is because of a documentary I watched on Netflix last night called "Bully".

As you can probably guess, it's a documentary about bullying in schools in America.
Bullying is a subject I don't take lightly and is something that just disgusts me in the fact that people don't seem to know right from wrong, or understand the hurt and pain they are causing someone.
I was bullied for pretty much my entire school life... getting called "fag" and "gay" because, and this was their reasoning even in senior school, it was because I had spiked hair. And also the fact I was alternative and didn't wear tracksuits or listen to terrible dance music and I wasn't particularly interested in stupid sports like football, but instead was interested in art, skateboarding, pop punk and heavy metal.
I got a lot of verbal abuse but thankfully never anything physical as these were just always idle threats.

Needless to say, I left school and although I went through a phase of drinking every weekend and getting stoned (all up until the age of about 18 when I discovered hardcore and the straight edge movement), at least I went into higher education, got myself a job and now live a happy life with my fiancee whilst a lot of the people from my year in school went on to have children within a year or so of leaving school and/or spent time in prison.

But anyway, I digress... this documentary, Bully, was an emotional movie to watch.
It focused on a couple of families, but the ones that really concerned me and hit me the hardest were the two families whose sons had committed suicide (one aged 14, one only 11) due to bullying and the other family whose son got bullied because he was a little skinnier than the other kids, wore glasses, looked a bit geeky and didn't quite fit in.

The kid who took his life when he was 11 actually done so with his fathers hand gun because the mental and physical abuse he was receiving in school was that harsh, he couldn't take it anymore.
The filmmaker took the opportunity to speak to his friend who, even though he was only 11 or 12, said he used to bully kids in third grade, then he got to fourth grade (so he was around 10) and realised what he was doing was wrong. Then he hit fifth grade and said he realised that hurting someone is not nice and everyone is a person and deserves to be treated equally. He even said "if I was king of America, I would make it so that everyone was equal and no one got bullied because everyone is the same". Now, that is coming from a kid! no older than 12!

And what do we have in this society? Especially in Liverpool?
Kids as young as 8 or 9 thinking it's ok to threaten people with guns, thinking it's ok to throw things at people who aren't wearing tracksuits/oversized North Face jackets/have skinheads/wear those stupid hats with the flappy ears on them.
Me and my fiancee even had something thrown at us today when we got off the train by 3 kids who were about 11 years old, dressed like idiots in those stupid sweatpants style tracksuit bottoms with matching sweatshirts that make them look like they're wearing a baby grow!

The next kid I'm going to talk about is Alex Libby. He was the kid who didn't quite fit in.
One of the first things you see of him is him waiting for the school bus and two other boys from his school are stood together, messing about, already hitting one another. Then Alex turns up and they turn on him. One telling him he shouldn't even think about walking anywhere because he will take out a knife and stab him if he tries.
Now, something tells me that this doesn't seem like a very nice thing to say.

But then that was just the tip of the iceberg.
There were shots of young Alex pacing around the playground on his own, sitting at lunch on his own, no one talking to him. And even they did it was only to say something mean.
Then the truth started to come out.
In school he had his head slammed into walls and lockers, he was pushed to the ground, called names, hit for no reason and then even on his bus journey to and from school there was more and more abuse.

Kids would punch him, stab him with pencils and reach around his seat and choke him.
The filmmakers decided it was in his best interest to share the footage they had seen with Alex's family and his teachers in school. Now, this is where it got heart wrenching for me.
Alex was sat at the table with his mum, her asking him why he hadn't told her about the severity of this and saying to him "but these kids are meant to be your friends" to which he sat silent for a few seconds and replied "so, if they're meant to be my friends, then how many friends do I really have?"

He almost started crying, his mum was crying and I was holding back the tears myself due to the fact that no one should have to go through any of the things this poor kid has been going through. Getting strangled and being told by the other kids "you're my bitch" and "you're a little bitch, you're a pussy" and he had no one there to stand up for him because he got so used to taking the abuse that he even said himself "I just feel numb, I don't think I even feel it anymore".
How is it ok for someone to be THAT used to bullying that they don't really pay attention to it anymore and just allow it to happen?

His mum and dad went to the school to speak to a woman who deals with such issues in the school and they were just told "well, the school bus is notoriously a dangerous place, but I've ridden on that route and the kids were good as gold."

So, what she's saying is "what do you want me to do about it? you know it's dangerous and you know it's going to happen."

But it should not be like that!

The kids responsible got a bit of a telling off and Alex was called to the principals office and asked if he trusted them to deal with the issue. He told them he didn't trust them due to an incident when a kid lifted up the seat on the bus, shoved his head under it, and sat on it.
You know what the principal's response was?
Principal: "Well, I did speak to him about that incident, and did he do it again?"
Alex: "No.."
Principal: *silence*
Alex: "But he done other stuff after that"
Principal: "But he didn't do that again did he?"

What a disgrace! The kid that done it should be forced to take classes on his own, or at least not be allowed out on breaks so he cannot mix with the children he is bullying. All the kids found to be bullying should be separated, refused access to the playground during break times and all made to go on a bus filled with them.

This documentary really upset me in the fact that these kids who are bullying others think that, even at such a young age, it is ok to disrespect other people and hurt them, their property and even their families.
How can you feel good about putting someone else down?
Why do you think it is ok to take something that is not yours?
How can you feel it is ok to push someone so far that they consider taking their own life just to get away from it all?

This obviously doesn't just happen in the states, but happens a lot over here in the UK too, and especially here in Liverpool where a culture has been bred to the point that people think abuse (physical and mental), drugs, stealing and even murder is ok and it is ok to promote that to the youth in society.

It pains me to think that these children are the future of our world.

People try to blame video games and movies, but that doesn't wash with me!
I watched Nightmare On Elm Street when I was 12, Evil Dead 2 when I was 13 along with the likes of Childsplay and Friday the 13th and I don't think I've turned out too bad!

People shouldn't have to be scared to leave the house, ride the bus, or the train or even drive their cars. People shouldn't have to be scared about walking down the street. Criminals should not be given new lives, new identities or even the opportunity to commit crimes again.
And I bet most of those criminals were bullies in school.

My point here being that bullying should be stamped out. Whether in school, work or at home, bullying is not acceptable.
I don't know how bullying can be stamped out completely, but surely it can be worked on by teaching children from an early age that no matter what people look like or do, they are exactly the same as you.

Why can't everyone just get along and be nice to one another? Sit down, have a cup of tea, have a chat.

Case in point in the second documentary I watched called "Erasing Hate" about an ex neo-nazi skinhead who turned his life around, started a family and was getting his facial tattoos removed to clean up his life and start again. He found, what would have been an unlikely friend a few years earlier, a great friendin a black guy who works heavily for anti-racism.

If there's a new person in school or work, make them feel welcome. Say hi, give them the time of day. Even if they look different to you, you will probably find some form of common ground. Even if you don't like them after that, at least be civil... don't shout abuse, hit them, call them names or anything else. Just be polite.
People on the street are guilty of being absolute tools and not looking where they are walking and expecting everyone to move out of their way, not even thanking you for holding a door open for them.
Just smile, let them get on with their day, and be happy in the knowledge that you have helped someone out. Hopefully they will walk away thinking "They actually helped me and I never thanked them" but unfortunately, not everyone has a conscience.

So, for my parting thoughts, I'm going to leave on a positive note.

You only have one life, so make it a good one. Live a happy life, be happy with the family and friends you are granted with and make many more friends along the way. Think positive, stay positive and good things will happen. Everyone can strive for a more peaceful world and that all starts at home and with your inner self.
Take up yoga or Tai Chi or take time each day to meditate. Meditation doesn't need to be sitting down with your eyes closed for an hour humming to yourself... meditation can be simply taking five minutes out of your day to sit down and be grateful for all the things you have around you in your life.
Positive thinking draws positive energy.

And now here's a picture of a cute as hell pug to make you smile:

It's been a long time coming...

And I've finally gotten around to doing a new blog! waheyyyy!!!

Mainly because Sony Ericsson are awesome and have been amazing enough to accept onto their Ambassador scheme, which has helped spur me on to write a blog post for them!

But don't worry my friends! I still promise goodness!!

So, where do I begin?!
Since my last blog, the band has been going pretty well, we're now supporting Electric Six on the 28th November in the o2 Academy here in Liverpool, so we're looking forward to that for sure!

And unfortunately (or fortunately, whichever way you look at it), the zombie apocalypse still hasn't happened!
Sometimes I think I would prefer it to just happen and get it out of the way so I had an excuse to shoot the scum of this Earth without getting locked up!

So, the main reason for my blog today is to talk to you about Sony Ericsson, their products, and a little bit about them and how they could benefit YOU in the inevitable zombie uprising!!

Let's start with the main features of their handsets now then... so, to begin with, you have the Mobile Bravia Engine on the handset. So you basically have your own, miniature, Sony Bravia TV in the palm of your hand. Awesomeness already. So this will help you view your pictures, videos and games in brilliant clarity!
Next, you have the Exmor R Mobile Sensor, which allows you to take high quality pictures in low light areas.
I've already tested this out in my living room, with very little light, using my hamsters.
The picture turned out like this:



Which I think is pretty damn sweet!

Now, I'm using the Sony Ericsson Ray, which since I got it a couple of weeks ago, I'm pretty siked on it! It's got the latest Android software (2.3 gingerbread.. due for update to Ice Cream Sandwich soon!) as well as the latest SE software too, which has just added some cool little features, suce as Sony's 3D Sweep Panorama, which allows you to take panoramic shots, and then plays them back to you on your phone in a sweeping motion, but the image it produces turns out like this:



Now, Sony Ericsson Xperia handsets have been receiving rave reviews, getting 5 stars in the tech magazine Stuff, as well as winning at the Hot Buy Awards!
And why not?! because let's face it, they are all pretty damn sweet!

So, on top of the awesome Sony technology in the handset, they have now introduced Facebook Inside Xperia. This now allows you to share apps with your friends on Facebook by simply holding and dragging an app to the top of your screen! SIMPLES!!!

"Why would you need all this in a zombie apocalypse though?!" I hear you ask.
Well, the answers lie ahead....

So, can you imagine finding out that there is a zombie uprising happening right on your front door step? And then, just think about how many members of your friends and family would have no idea how to survive... well, no worries! SE have it sorted!!
All you'll need to do is go onto the Android market place, download the Zombie Handbook (which is completely free) then hold it, drag it to your share option, and BAM! it's on facebook for all to see!
This nifty little app gives info about outbreaks, building up an armoury, forts, transport, survival and tools that would come in handy! It also tells you about outbreaks.. such as how they could be caused by neurotoxins, the Rage Virus and even Nanobots! so you can prepare yourself and your friends for every occasion!
Then, while you're at it, download "How To: Zombies" ... A little less comprehensive, with some broken English, but this app provides you with three selected tunes for your very own Zombie Outbreak Soundtrack!

"But how is the awesome mega Exmor R technology and 3D sweep panorama going to come in handy?"

Think about it like this... if you walk into a darkened building whilst being chased by a horde of the undead, but you don't have time to plan your escape route back out... quickly open up your 3D sweep panorama camera and take a photo of your surrounding area, then, GET THE FUDGE OUT OF THERE!! It may also allow you to notice some sneaky zombies munching on some brains in the corner that you failed to notice in the panic to get to safety!
This app will also allow you to hold up in one of the other spaces you find in the building and let you view all your options by the simple touch of your screen. A full 360 degree view of the room you just left will help you determine entrance and exit points and help you derive your plans of escape!!
And the Exmor R will allow you to take any photos or videos in the low light situations you will undoubtedly find yourself in! So, for example, if your mum calls and says "help me! how do I kill these things?!" then, why not switch your camera onto video, conserve battery power because you won't need the flash on, and record you or your apocalypse partner smashing some brains in, then send it via WhatsApp! Nice and easy :)
and let's not forget that Bravia Engine also running on their nifty little pieces of kit!
Stuck for a flash light?! just unlock the screen on your phone and BAM! Flash light in hand!! The brightness of the screen will undoubtedly provide you enough light to scope out a room before proceeding, pointing out potential threats and hopefully lack of zombies!
Still feel that isn't bright enough?! There are two more simple options for you... download the flashlight application from the Android Marketplace, or simply switch on the LED camera light to help light your way!

SE handsets, and most Android handsets, now come pre-installed with WhatsApp, so if you're needing to send maps of the city, or maps you have drawn up yourself to guide your friends and loved ones to a safe house, then why not save on sending that picture message and send it via WhatsApp messenger!

Now, this may not have been what many of you have seen as one of my usual blogs, and the Sony Ericsson Ambassador team may not see this as your usual review, but hopefully this has given you all an insight as to how good the Sony Ericsson Ray would be for me during an outbreak, but also how good it could be on a day to day basis.

So, for my review of the Sony Ericsson Xperia Ray, and an insight into the other Xperia handsets, I would like to conclude with the following:

Xmor R - allows excellent quality photo's and videos in low-light situations and, speaking from experience, it definitely works a treat!
Sony Bravia Engine - provides a high clarity screen, which is perfect for viewing high definition movies and great quality photo's
Facebook Inside Xperia - allows you to share apps directly to Facebook and let people know about some amazing things they may have missed out on

And as we all know, Sony have been providing us with quality products for many, many moons now, so what better company to help save your ass in an undead uprising?! I'll let you be the judge of that

I give the Xperia Ray - 5 brains out of 5

Summer, superstition and Saint Swithins Day

So, its been a while since the last blog... and lets be honest, some stuff has happened.
I've started a band, and left a band, and started another band and we already have our first gig coming up!

But more of that later... let's get on to the matters at hand!

First of all, let me start with "superstition".
A lot of people don't believe in superstition, yet there is a whole shit load of people that do. I, myself, do however believe in certain superstitions; walking under ladders, breaking mirrors, wishing upon a star and those damn motherfudging MAGPIES!!!!
So, if you ever see me walking down the street and I randomly salute a black and white bird pottering on the other side of the road, it's not because I'm completely tapped, but its because of this massive belief in superstition.
So lets get this straight... it's one for sorrow, two for joy, three for a girl, four for a boy, five for silver, six for gold, seven for a secret never to be told.
And I don't think many people know where the rhyme goes after that...

Now, thinking about this obsession with saluting these creatures and imagining them looking at all these randoms letting on to them thinking "wtf.. who is this guy? Hey, Dave, do you get all these random humans saluting you as well?! it makes me feel important like, but its a bit weird! they never come and say hi.."
I mean, what does go through their head? coz I get a bit weirded out if some random dude lets on to me in town and I don't know who he is, so, I can only imagine their sheer confusion as a member of a different species is saying hello!

I guess my superstition also comes with the fact I have OCD, which probably plays a large part in the fact that I CANNOT get out of that routine of doing it! DAMN YOU MAGPIESSSS!!

Which brings me onto my next subject: Saint Swithin's Day.
So, it is believe by all these religious folk n that, that if it rains on Saint Swithin's Day, it will rain for 40 days and 40 nights. It rained on Saint Swithin's Day, and rained for like 3-4days after it, but the weather has been alright today! despite reports of it going back to our wonderful British summertime of pissing rain over the next few days...

BUT.. I ask you this... was it just a sheer coincidence that it rained on that particular day, and rained for a few days after, coz it hasn't rained every day (as far as I'm aware in my waking hours).
So, superstitions, do they only occur because we believe it is going to happen, and its just a total coincidence?
Me and Beccy had an awesome day out in Southport yesterday, we were talking about certain things... like life decisions etc, then went to the end of Southport pier where they still have some of the old penny arcade machines.
We stuck a couple of old pennies into the fortune telling machines, and low and behold, the "predictions" we were given uncannily resembled EXACTLY what we were talking about BUT is this because it was something so vague it coulda fitted for anyone?
Well, it didn't seem that way, but is that not the way when you see one magpie? something a bit rubbish might happen and you'll think "damn you magpie" or you see two of the little bleeders and next thing you find a fiver in your old jacket you haven't worn for ages.
Coincidence?! or was it fate that you were going for that jacket?! who knows!

Which brings me nicely onto the next subject of superstition and RELIGION. (Taboo... no?!)
So, Saint Swithin (here comes the history lesson), in short, was a Saxon Bishop of Winchester. When he was getting buried, he wanted to be buried outdoors. The monks thought it'd be nice to move him indoors into a boss little shrine dedicated to his memory.
BUT ALAS! Those silly monks created a whole world of chaos! And there was a heavy rain storm either during the ceremony, or on the anniversary, so now people reckon that whatever the weather is like on July 15th, that's how it will stay for 40 days.
It has been pretty miserable for the last 6 days like, but it seems to be better today.
But do these bad things happen because we believe they are going to happen?
If you truly believe that your leg will fall off because of gangrenous bugs from another planet, likelihood is... its a load of bollocks.
But if you see a magpie and think something bad is going to happen, do you cause this to happen by drawing negative energy to yourself?!

Anyways, now the religion part ... Christians believe that if you do good all your life, you will go to heaven. If you do bad, you will go to Hell.
First of all... "Hell", as the concept that we know it as with its seven layers etc etc, has been openly admitted by the Catholic church to have been created by them to instill the fear of God into people.
Secondly, if you repent all your sins when you get to the Pearly Gates, then they'll let you in anyway because you're sorry for what you've done.

So, where exactly is Adolf Hitler?! Rotting six feet under the ground for a start, and if anywhere, we would expect in hell for what he done.
But if he got to those gates and said "Saint Peter, I am very sorry for murdering all those Jews, but my hatred for them was fueled by that idiotic Jewish doctor who could have helped my mother through her illness, but instead left her to die. So, I'm sorry for all those innocent lives I destroyed, but I had good reason to!"
Now, surely mass-genocide is completely unforgivable, as I would definitely believe it to be, and Hitlers remains probably should have been left outside at Auschwitz for the crows to slowly peck away at, but what did happen to him after he died?
Anyways, totally detracting from the point, but we have a couple of the God Squad hanging outside our place of work twice a week, shouting at people, telling them their children are going to hell. If you sin, you go to hell, if you are good, then once Rapture comes, you will be taken off to live an awesome life with The Lord.
Is this not the same as being superstitious about that mirror you broke last week?!

I dunno, I don't really have any idea where I was going with that. I just kept typing, so sorry if all that gobble-de-gook up there bored the living daylights out of you, but hey! I've put my two cents in!

And now brings me to the most important subject: SUMMER!!!!!

Up to now its been alright. Not had as much time off with my awesome fiancee as I woulda liked, but I have, however, had time to get a band up and running with dedicated people, all like minded, and all with a passion to get this thing moving and not stop until we're rocking out stadiums of the world!

So now for some shameless promotion:

CLICK HERE and click "like", then click the BandPage link on the left hand side, listen to our track called The Fool and get a free download there too!

NEXT

If you like what you hear, then come down to this



That'll be our first gig, we'll have CDs as well with a couple more tracks for your listening pleasure!

Nice one for reading ... and I promise to blog again soon! Planet Of The Apes ... The Actual Rising... Coming soon....

Clean World

Ok, so it's been a pretty long time since my last blog... so I thought I'd hit you guys up and let you know whats going on!

Moved to a new place with my awesome fiancee! and this apartment is even more awesome in the fact that to get in the place is pretty secure, and we're on the second floor... so when that zombie apocalypse does happen, we're safe :)

I've started a new band, which at the moment our working name is "Bacdorsin", but any suggestions, just hit me up on facebook! So, expect regular updates once we get recording/gigging etc.

And the other project I have started (again) is writing.

So, I started writing a zombie story about 4 years ago when I was working in a shitty job where I stood behind a till all day only to greet about 2 customers in 9 hours, so obviously this helped while away the hours.
Unfortunately, I still haven't returned to this book because I haven't got a freakin' clue as to where to take it from where it's upto!
So on the basis of this, I have started thinking about some new ideas.
I have promised people zombie stories, westerns, zombie westerns, and a kids book, but I've started writing a book that is going to be called "Clean World".

Clean World is the story of our planet, turned into shit by the government due to human experiments, weather experiments, natural disasters etc etc. and as a result, there are a group of mutated beings who want to eventually dominate the globe and there are us. Humans.
Not all the mutants are bad, some have even integrated into human society after years of rebuilding the world.
I know what you're thinking "so its X-Men yeah?". Well, not really.
Some mutants will be of human appearance with abilities to help humans (x-ray vision, healing powers etc.) and others will just be mutated, gelatinous messes with rubber teeth and windmills for hands.
Ok, I admit I may not have thought that far ahead yet, but I also don't want to give too much away, but as a teaser.. here is the first few paragraphs of the story.


Saint Francesco. August, 2245. After the major government fuck up known as the Clean World Project, the world as we know it has changed forever.
Every season became Summer, then they all became Winter. Now, there is some stability. Natural disasters hit the Earth one too many times. Daily earthquakes, tsunami’s, and the usual countries sending in troops to claim land that is not their own.
150 years of experimentation on climate control, creating the perfect body, the perfect race, the perfect soldier, the perfect weapon, the perfect can of beer, the perfect sirloin steak and moving the moon away from the orbit of the Earth just to “see its affects on the planet” destroyed most of what we had.

Eighty years of rebuilding the planet, re-colonising and integrating society back to how it should be and we are left with what the government call “The Perfect World”.
Far from the ideals the propaganda had promised us, our wonders of the world are mere ruins. The Golden Gateway To Hell, once a piece of architecture that people travelled far and wide to see. Now just a rusted bridge, only navigable by the light of day by the most daring of people. The only thing that separates us from the Malarkians. The evil Malarkians that is.
The only saving grace is the patrols at our end of the bridge. Manned twenty four hours a day by government officials and the most bad ass soldiers you can find.
Armed with the most advanced weaponry, they have the powers to vaporise any Malarkian who doesn’t produce citizenship ID for our city of Saint Francesco.


I hope you enjoyed that small installment and I'll keep you all updated when some new stuff gets written and about upcoming projects I have in mind!
Any constructive criticism (please tell me its shit if you think it is, don't just say its good for the sake of it... I can take it) then please let me know.

Thanks for reading and expect more soooooon.... x

It's not quite the most wonderful time of the year...

...but Hallowe'en is upon us and you know what that means... ghosts and ghouls and goblins and ZOMBIES!!! and other such scary things.

Remember Ghouls n Ghosts? what a game that was!!
I still don't get why you were forced to run around in your undies though while getting chased by, well, ghouls and ghosts!



anyways... as All Hallows Eve approaches, and the gateway between our world and their's is at its weakest, we can only hope that the spirits of the dead channel themselves back into their buried bodies and punch their fists six feet out of the ground to slowly walk the Earth.

As the saying goes:



and I tell you one thing... the amount of EVIL bastards I read about in the paper every day, I'm pretty shocked that Hell isn't already full!

What would really happen though if a zombie outbreak happened on Hallowe'en? how are you supposed to know who is actually infected and who isn't?
Obviously the people with you, you'd probably be able to know if they'd been bitten or not... but with all the fake blood and costumes everywhere, who the hell do you take out?!
Well, I tell you who... first - the BLATANT scallies in North Face coats, the girls with orange skin and big blonde hair and anyone else you don't like the look of. Fuck it... "they were coming straight for us" would be my excuse!
And secondly - take out anyone who stands in your way!
If you're with your friends, then STICK TOGETHER! I cannot stress any more the importance of SAFETY IN NUMBERS!
If you're at home, don't answer the door, and if you do.. make sure you have some kind of secret knock or password system in place to know it's truly your friend and not just the hollow shell of a man you once knew who is now here to feast on your brains!

A good idea for getting round comes from Shaun Of The Dead, so if transportation isn't readily available then just think like a zombie!
No one is 100% sure what it is zombies react to. Alot of people seem to believe it's sudden movements and loud noises. So if you can shuffle and be quiet, just like they're doing, then you should fit in pretty well! Just hope your new found dead friends haven't got a nose for fresh blood or are crazy genome zombies that can sense body heat signatures and heart beats!

But this poses the question, if zombies do react to noises... as they don't have a heart beat, would they have heightened sense and be able to hear the heartbeat of passers by?! who knows... but I guess there's only one way to find out!
"How is that?!" I hear you ask!
Well, I'll tell you....
All you need to do to find out is... you know how everyone has one of those "friends" or "acquaintances" that you like, sort of, but you all pick on them purely in jest, but also because they annoy the shit out of you? but they think they're super cool and think you're laughing with them and not at them?
Yeah, well, that guy... make them believe that they're that awesome that if they pretend to be a zombie first.. you will love them forever.
Maybe you will after this, but hey! at least after all those years, you'll realise why you actually stayed friends with them!

not such a long, tedious blog tonight, but I will leave you with this final thought... make sure you get the script right...

It's Zombie Time!! MK:III

I know it's been a while, and for this I apologise, but thankfully the Zombie Apocalypse hasn't begun, but I do have my plans in place for if the resurrection of the dead begins whilst at home so I present to you:

Situation #2 - Zombie Apocalypse happens when at home

Picture this:

You're sat at home, it's 6pm, you're watching The Simpsons and the broadcast is interrupted to tell you that there is a major pandemic spreading across the UK, you look out the window and notice the local scallies looking even more dead to the world, but this time ripping the flesh out of someone's stomach at the other end of the street.
The reality hits you that "oh shit, those scumbags aren't mugging an old lady... again... but their North Face jackets and Lowe Alpine hats are actually splattered in blood and the little bastards are actually eating that person!"
So, what do you do?!

Well, to begin with, make sure ALL your doors and windows are locked so those baldy headed little rats can't get in, keep as quiet as you can, and pack some bags.
If you have a dog, it could be hard to keep them quiet, but not to worry because dogs APPARENTLY can't be infected by the vast majority of infections etc that create the living dead, so when leaving the house, you send the dog first (more of this later).

Anyways... if I was at home, I would be in the situation of having to immediately think about myself, my girlfriend (the awesome Beccy) and our dog, Jaz.
First port of call - grab a back pack each.
Now, we do have a massive one from camping, but then this could pose the problem of packing too much stuff, so you have to think.
Big bag for lots of supplies, or smaller bag for ESSENTIALS and then find other supplies elsewhere?
Well, I personally think we would take one big backpack, and one small one.
The big one would come in handy to fill with the lighter things such as food, a change of underwear (because no doubt it will be brown trousers time at some point!), a torch or two, and some other essentials (read on for more info).
The smaller one would be used as a first aid kit... fill it with plasters, antiseptic cream, bandages and a hacksaw (just incase some limbs need to be hacked off if bitten), essentials such as a screw driver and some knives and water supplies in here.
After collecting a few essentials, I would get the internet on, or use my mobile phone, and google "how to hot wire a car". But if internet and mobile phone systems are down, I would have to just improvise and get a screwdriver into the key cylinder and hope for the best!

Just on a sidenote ... I never understood how on zombie films that as soon as the outbreak occurs, apparently all mobile communications and internet communications go down. I could only REALLY see this happening after the systems all fall into disrepair which I'd presume would take a while, so, I'm planning this with the foresight that communications ARE STILL WORKING. If not, it's not the end of the world!

so, anyway, after packing one backpack with first aid, a small tool kit and water, and the other with some light clothing, a blanket for the night time, a lighter, some candles and some knives (handy for melee weapons and picking locks, cutting things open etc), the next step is to decide "should I stay, or should I go".
Home seems like the safe place to stay, but soon enough you will want to go after loved ones etc. so my advice would be: check outside, see if there is a vehicle nearby, and if there is, get a wire coat hanger, bend it out straight, get your dog ready, wait for the coast to be clear and LEG IT!
If the coast doesn't look clear enough but you feel the urge to go, then the answer is - DOG FIRST.
Dogs still have their animal instinct, they want to protect their owners, they want to protect themselves, and they can definitely smell who is scum! so if you can't get down your path, send the dog to distract the living dead as he/she can probably run alot faster than you (and them for that matter) and call them back once you get into that locked car!
As I'm not the owner of a car, but do know (sort of) how to drive, I know the advantages of a car. So if I couldn't get hold of any of my mates who can drive, I'd break into the nearest car with Beccy and Jaz, and get the hell out of there as quick as I could.
Now I know parents are important, but my mum and her husband drive, so I can call them, get them to get into their car and wait at their home for me to arrive.
First port of call - Beccy's mum. I reckon she'd be quite good in a zombie apocalypse.. I dunno why, but I just think she'd have some good fight in her!
Then it would be off to my mums house to meet up with her.
I would contact a few friends (Pandave, Allen, Ian, Alex, Gary) and see how they're getting on.
Pandave has a samurai sword, so he's in! he has zombie apocalypse plans and would be a brilliant person to have along for the ride! Ian has prior knowledge of zombies, not quite as extensive as my own, but could definitely get creative with some weapons. Plus he has a dog and SJ drives, so more transport and more fire power!
Allen drives and I reckon could get a good swing on a baseball bat, Alex would be good to sort out food and I reckon he'd be pretty sick with a chainsaw! And I think Gary would know some weird and wonderful places out in the middle of nowhere that we could get to and hide out! Plus, 3 out of the 4 of those people own cars ... score!
So I'd gather up some friends and family (safety in numbers people!)
So the main plan when you're stuck at home is get some essentials, get in a car and get the fuck away from civilisation!! stopping occassionally along the way to try n steal some free petrol, some free supplies and see if there is anymore news of the situation and about military safehouses.

I just read most that back and don't know much sense it makes, but in a nut shell... if a zombie apocalypse breaks out at home... get supplies, get into a car, and get to the middle of nowhere! less people = less zombies :)

On a slightly lighter note, I do think that if I was to come up against a roadblock of zombies, the soundtrack for killing them would have to be Four Year Strong turned up full blast booming out of the car whilst wielding baseball bats and axes, smashing in zombie brains :) namely this tune here because I think it would be awesome for the beginning of a zombie killing extravaganza:



and if Four Year Strong wasn't available to play, I think Raining Blood by Slayer would be a more than ample music choice for such an occasion :)

****Disclaimer : any people who have not been mentioned in this blog, my apologies go out to you... this either means I would trust in Beccy to contact you whilst I contacted other people (namely Faye as I know you would have skills to pay the bills in a zombie attack), there are just too many people to mention or I may just think you'd become zombie fodder in the first 24 hours. I don't want to blow any of my friends brains out, so if I think you're gonna get bitten and become a liability... you're gettin left behind****

It's Zombie Time!! MK:II

Ok, so the last blog was all about zombies.
A little history lesson, and some garbage about where zombies come from.

Today, it may get a little more interesting as it's time to discuss:

TACTICS FOR THE INEVITABLE ZOMBIE APOCALYPSE


I know quite a few people that have plans in place for a zombie invasion, but the main question is:



Well, I like to think I am.

Now, being from Liverpool, I am definitely not spoiled for choice with regards to gun shops, or armouries, or ancient burial grounds where you miraculously find some crazy sword that possesses the power to destroy all zombies within a 3 miles radius.
But I haven't just formulated one set of tactics, I have formulated many, so lets have a look at the scenarios one by one.
Here is a quick explanation of the zombie situation:

Zombie apocalypse has not long begun, so there is time to find somewhere/put the best plan into action before the invasion gets to a ridiculously uncontrollable level and you actually have nowhere to run.
We not only have shuffling zombies, but running zombies too, so the tactics need to involve ideas to keep away both oncoming onslaughts.

Situation #1 - zombie apocalypse begins whilst in work


It's another on of those days, work is a bit quiet, no customers in the store, just me and between 3-5 members of staff gazing out the window talking about Alan Partridge, Star Wars, PS3 games and other such geeky things when suddenly I notice what looks like a member of the living dead headed our way.
As that one comes into view, so do a few more... taking out some members of the public on their way, ripping open their stomachs, having a nibble on some intestines and basking in the bloody goodness!
First things first... quickly find the nearest key holder, lock the front door and get the shutters DOWN! Ensure that the back door to the shop is secure and have a scan around on the shopfloor for weapons.
There's be mops, a hoover, pens, elastic bands and drawing pins. Potentially some nails in the office, but otherwise weapon supplies are thin.
The pipe from the Henry hoover can be removed and can be used as a weapon for smashing the zombies in the head, should we get that close. The same goes for the mops.
We could use some sellotape or blu-tak and stick drawing pins to the end of pens and fire them off elastic bands. Probably not very effective, but would hopefully be quite distracting. And whilst people are forming the pen/pin hybrids, we can print out a ridiculous amount of top-up vouchers.
 Then, it would be a case of proceeding down into the basment. Get everyone's bags, fill them with as much food as possible and a few mobile phones so we have some form of communication between each other and our family/friends if needs be.
Anyways, downstairs there is a fire escape which leads back up and out onto the street away from the shop. Yes, we may hit more zombies, but at least we will be slightly equipped.
The next stop would be Callans to break in, pick up some air rifles and pellet guns. A couple of people would be designated as "keeping dixie" (as you used to do in school... or "keeping watch" for anyone else out there) and obviously bludgeoning in some zombie brains with Henry's big pipe and some pen-through-zombie-eye-socket-action.
Replica Desert Eagles and other such weapons would be pocketed, loaded, and ammo collected for some longer range kills.
Next we would head to Rapid Hardware. Once in here, it's a case of "ok, you guys go that way, we'll go this way, get what you can and meet back here in 15 minutes". Strength in numbers, especially seeing as how this is a multi-level store and Callans is about as big as my living room.
Once in Rapid, we could arm ourselves with knives, axes, chainsaws and other such melee weapons, although chainsaws may be a bit heavy, they would be very effective, but if you swing one too far, you take the risk of hurting yourself. So I'll the decision up to anyone who wants to make that choice to drag around a petrol powered chainsaw.
The next port of call would be Tesco.
There are 2 and the preferred one would the larger one by Paradise Street for the plain simple fact that they have a better entertainment section and sell TVs and the one by Clayton Square doesn't. And I'm sure we'll still be needing some form of entertainment!
It should be pretty easy to hold up in a Tesco as they have strong shutters, a VAST array of food, and I'm pretty sure they will have some kind of microwave or cooking facilities in the staff room for us to cook food.
Then, we just wait. Make sure the place is secure and you have people watching all doors at all times. Make sure there isn't too much noise made so as not to bring attention to ourselves and find good positions to be able to keep an eye on the invasion from all angles.
The other good thing about the buildings in Liverpool where the Tesco supermarkets are located, is that the buildings are high.
This means we can get up to the roof to leave a distress signal and hope that once the military decide they are going to send out helicopters to help people, we can be found!

Alternatively, if Little Dave or Gary are in (and they both have cars) our first port of call would be their cars, then as far out of the city as we can. Stopping off to pick up family members on the way and stealing enough cars to house us all and get us all out to the country and to potential safety. Smaller population = less zombies :)

...and that's it for zombie tactics for today! I think I've bored you all enough, and so the next blog will be situation #2 - zombie apocalypse happens whilst at home.